When did I turn into the most hateful person... ever?
Suddenly it seems I dislike... everything. Friends, too. Even Teddy's being neglected. But on top of it all, I hate myself the most. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I feel, I hate the way I'm treated, I hate the things I say, I hate my inability to feel safe with people, and happy, and relevant.
I could crawl in a hole for the longest time ever. I can't stop thinking about harming myself, I can't stop thinking about how much I don't want any of this. Everything that pops into my mind seems like "too much to ask". I could almost wish I didn't exist. I can't even talk to anyone about this, because I know I'll just be fed the same shit "well this is all your own mental view of things, no one can change it but you" "it gets better" "stop being so inclusive" blah blah blah blah blah. Nothing helps. I want someone to help me. And I feel so fucking lonely. I think that might be one of the main problems. Being so goddamn lonely. I wish I could love everything like I used to. I wish I could make a list of friends and talk about how awesome they are and title it "my friends are a different breed" like I used to. But my friends don't even like me, I'm not stoner chique enough for them. I don't even know, there's just nothing to love anymore. Nothing to put mass amounts of effort into, because everything just crumbles crumbles crumbles and crashes down.
KJFNSDJKNFDJFNDFJGNDFGNDFKMGDFKLG CAN I PLEASE JUST FEEL BETTER. I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE FEELING BETTER. WTF.
OKAY, THANKS.
I'M GOING TO GO PAINT NOW.
FUCK EVERYTHING.
YEAH, GOOD DAY TO YOU TOO, MR BLOGGER SIR.
This too shall pass
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