and breathe

Things at school are finallyyy feeling normal again. On Wednesday it was portfolio day, the huge stressful day I've been working towards, and I presented my portfolio and chatted with people from OCAD, Guelph and York. It went really well and I feel accomplished and much more relaxed now that a lot of my post secondary stress has been dealt with. I think I might want to go to York instead of OCAD now, but I'll definitely apply to all three. It's also a new term so my textiles and painting lessons are no longer overlapping. I finished my cat quilt and feel excited and ready to start fresh with the new term in textiles. We've started weaving with the looms, which I've never done before, but I hope I enjoy it. My teacher knows about my anxiety and has been very patient and helpful with me, so textiles is feeling more manageable and I'm determined to balance my two studios better this term. We also have figure drawing instead of portfolio prep which will be so lovely and I've missed it a lot.

I feel like I've been running everywhere,gogogo, since mid October and finally I can slow down a bit. I'm dedicating this weekend to solitude and relaxing- going to the gym, cleaning the house, and I work tomorrow. Lots of quality cat time in between. I'm trying to give my brain a break so I can throw myself into assignments this upcoming week.

I'm really upset and worried about Jordan though. Thursday night he went to emergency and I guess now he's set up in a room and whatnot. I haven't heard from him today and it's driving me crazy not knowing what's going on. Supposedly because he's an adult he'd be able to sign himself out and wanted to leave today, but I'm not sure about that because they could put him on a form and then he'd be forced to stay, but those aren't normally for longer than 72 hours. I feel like it's partially my fault he's there and I feel so horrible knowing he's so far away and alone. At least he's safe. If he's in there for a few days (hopefully not weeks) it's going to be really rough and I can't afford bus tickets to visit. :c gah. I hate feeling useless.

Worrying won't help though, I've just got to be calm and take care of myself this weekend. I lost my mind these past few weeks and I've got to make sure it doesn't run away any further. Mid november up until Christmas is usually a pretty happy time of year for me, especially when I start leaping into the festivities, so I'm going to try to build myself up a bit stronger and then I can just be happy and enjoy life for the next month or so. Positivity and shitttt.