practice makes perfect sense to me,

I've got a lot on my mind, and I didn't know what else to do with all these thoughts.

I'm realizing that I am completely obsessed with myself. Not because I think I'm the shit, or anything. The opposite, actually. I think I AM shit. Haha. But really. I can stare in a mirror for an hour straight and take in ever single flaw I have. Then I think of how I would look without flaws, but I still don't see what I want to see. What I want to see doesn't seem to exist. It's unachievable, for myself. I can look at so many other people, and won't be able to point out a single flaw. I can thank someone for a compliment, but not for one second do I ever stop to believe it. Tell me how this whole "self image" thing works. It gets worse, too. I convince myself that if I didn't have so many flaws, then I'd be more social. I wouldn't be awkward. I could go up to whoever I wanted, and strike up the perfect conversation with them, and have them be my best friend for life. It's stupid. So ridiculous of me. Life doesn't work that way.

There's quite a few people I'd love to talk to. Why can't things be easier? Why is it not accepted in social environments to just walk up to someone and say "I think you're really rad. Let's hang out this weekend, find out if we're compatible, and then hopefully become best friends." Or if I could even just say all of that with one look. All it would take is one, intense, soul-searching look. Eye to eye. And BAM. FRIENDS. And REAL friends. Not someone you have small chat with every now and then. Not someone who you sit with at lunch every day for a semester, and never speak to again. A real friend. Those are so impossible to come by, it seems.

When did everything get so complicated? I overanalize everything, and there just aren't any answers. Someone please start making sense. Someone make this easy.

No, don't. I guess I won't ever accomplish much if things just get handed to me.

See? That's a conclusion. I think I might have made progress. Now if only I could get the progress out of my mind and out of my laptop. If only I could get these things out in more effective ways. i.e. through my mouth, instead of through writing or drawing. Not that there's anything wrong with those. Real, live words are good though. Very good.

Alright, that's enough. I feel childish. Goodbye, actually.