Hi.

Alright... so... I don't remember the last time I blogged. I've just been sick and lame lately. I've been thinking too much, as usual.
I'll start with last night. Last night, I found out some really sickening things. And guess what? I was angry. I haven't been angry in months, I think. I swear I'm only truly ever angry a couple times a year. I always shove it away and replace it with sorrow or disappointment, or I just find some way to quickly rid myself of it. Not really bottling it up, y'know? But seeing as how I was acting last night, maybe I have been bottling it up. I was enraged. Fuming. I did some stupid things too. Oh well. You know what else I'm realizing? I barely recognize my mistakes anymore. I learn from them, or accept them as flaws I can't get rid of, and that's that. Alright, back to anger. So, when people are angry it scares me. I'll do whatever I can to a) make them settle down or b) get away. It's one of the few things I have trouble accepting, which is ridiculous because it's just a completely human thing to be feeling. It can't be helped anymore than happiness. It's so strange.

Let's talk fear now. I don't even know what to do with this. It's horrific. There's just a few things from the past that cling to me. I can't ever quite shake them from me. They're like scars. Actually, they are scars. I don't even know what to do. I've tried to get over it so many times. I've tried acceptance, denial, leaving it behind... everything. Now the opportunity for something so wonderful finally occurs, and more than half of me is just screaming NO, out of fear. I don't want to be haunted anymore. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I just want to take a few chances and live. Why can't I let this happen? It's like I'm lacking some form of a conclusion. I dislike this, so very much.

Alright, here's some stupid blogging. So, today was just fine. In English, I was once again struck with the realization that I have hardly any friends in my grade. WHATEVER. Not important. I'm friends with better people for me, in older grades. It's okay, it's okay. I analyzed a really wonderful poem about death of a lost one. Did I mention I love English class? I love English class. Next came Science. I struggled, and then learned. I understand it now. Fantastic! Period 3 and most of 4th, I was at a GSA meeting. I love GSA. However, I don't like the fact that I had so much to say but completely held back. Maybe one day I'll speak my mind. If not, it doesn't really matter. I quite like the element of mystery. I went to French for 45ish minutes and didn't get much work done, but it's okay, I prefer to have it for homework. Phys Ed was kind of fun, although everyone was really immature. Oh well. Then I hung out downtown with Emily. We made a big boo-boo, but I think it's being resolved. Learning, learning, learning. We then watched Alice In Wonderland. It doesn't nearly measure up to the original, in my opinion. I don't think I really ever want to see it again. Not a big deal, though. My late night consisted of intense conversations. You honestly can't even imagine. :)

So let's re-cap today: I succeeded in all of my classes, learned more about the lovely members of GSA, learned more about where the line is, delved deep with an ever so close friend of mine, reached out to another friend, and found out that another friend is truly happy for the time being. :) It's been a great day. Honestly.

I have more to say, but I'm not really feeling it. Oh, I got an hour and a half of sleep last night. Woops. I guess it's time for such. Goodnight.