Hgggg, life lately.
I felt good for a few weeks but this one just isn't doing it.
I wish I could cry. I've come to realize that I feel a lot better when I cry, mainly because I spend such a large portion of my life being poker face. Or... strangely happy. Like I'm high on life at the time but it's short lived, because by the next morning I feel like shit again. I don't want short lived happiness. I didn't always have short lived happiness, I used to be happy all the time. Now I just... I don't know. I need a breath of fresh air.
It feels like things just keep piling up. I feel crushed, but not properly because I'm still walking around with my head up and smiling every now and then. It'd just be so much better to cry about this. I want strong emotion.
I'm still trying to improve my life and shit, though this week's been a failure.
I think tomorrow I'll go somewhere after school and take some time to myself. I just want to be alone, go to a few good places, clear my mind and get some fresh air.
I want to be happy for Friday, and particularly Sunday. I need to get it together.
I don't even know.
This is so ridiculously difficult. There's so much going on and I feel truly isolated right now. Like, I have a handful of people I could talk to, but I know it wouldn't help. These people cannot possibly understand it to the degree I'm looking for. They don't know what it's like, they're not living through this. It won't help to get it off my chest, I know this for a fact.
I just don't know what to do.
There was one person who once understood it. I could talk to that person about it for a very lengthy chunk of time and feel fresh and relieved afterwards. Unfortunately, they're no longer around.

So I'll just sit here in my sorrow and be lonely.
I hope I can fix things tomorrow.