I know I knocked the table over because I watched the jar break and I’ve been trying to repair it every single stupid day. But won’t the cracks still show no matter how well it’s assembled? Can I ever just decide to let it die?

I just like La Dispute.
I guess I'm going to blog about how things are lately, but I don't foresee this being a happy post.

Today in art history, this guy in my class (one of the few people I actually talk to) was completely hammered. It was really funny at first, because we were trying to write a test and he kept giggling and telling everyone how happy he was, and just generally being too drunk to function, and the teacher didn't even realize it was because he was drunk. About halfway through the first half of art history, he fell asleep, which everyone figured was probably for the best. He continued to sleep through class, through break, and finally after 20 minutes into the second half people tried to wake him, but he wouldn't wake up. At this point, I was in a different room, and then I heard a code blue for that classroom over the announcements. I didn't see any of it, but I talked to his friend later, who told me he was taken away, still unconscious but with his eyes open, in an ambulance. Apparently he had been drinking since 7am and might have gone into diabetic shock.
It's just got me really freaked out, I guess. A lot of things have me freaked out lately. I don't doubt for a second that he'll be okay, but it's just scary, how alcohol can affect people. How it can lead people to get into cars and run over people's fathers.

What didn't help was painting after school. I'm supposed to paint something abstract that represents anxiety, and I did an okay job, but ironically, painting anxiety brought more anxiety out of me. I don't know. I just feel like complete shit lately and I don't know how to pick myself up. I also don't trust a single human being around me. No one, at all, and I'm overwhelmed by everything. I'm trying to fix it but it's so, so difficult.