My room is filled with abandon, my homework is yet left undone. I look at pictures of myself all filled with hope and so alive but all these high school days, take me away... Stress and high duress replace the hope I had every day.... The song high school low couldn't more accurately describe how I feel lately. Just, so shitty... I'm currently sitting in a field where there is miraculously wifi. I've been spending a lot of time alone lately, a lot of time in this field. I'm so unmotivated, sad and useles lately. My grades are dropping, I've missed a lot of class this week and I've been smoking weed almost every day which is stupid and gross and I shouldn't. But I'm just so low... But higher highs mean lower lows. When will I ever learn? I even broke down crying at lunch yesterday... So then I got high because for some reason I'm under the impression that drugs are a better means of dealing with things... NOT TRUE. Stop it, self. I fuxking suck, just ugh. I haven't made an effort to hang out with anyone lately and I keep telling myself I will after exams but who fuxking knows. For the record the x's in fucking are just typos and I'm lazy. But yeah. I feel bad cause I'm about to sleepover at my boyfriend ish person's house for the 2nd weekend in a row without my mom knowing... I hate lying to her, but if I stay home tonight I know I'll just get super depressed then end up getting too high to function.. So in a way, it's for the best.. I guess? I just don't wanna feel like this anymore. I really hope I'll be able to pick myself back up once the school stress is gone.