I can't deny myself being alive through my alienation.

Say Anything^ yes, okay.

Say Anything is just about the only thing keeping me from losing my mind lately. Yesterday was, what should have been (was indeed?), a good day... I spent the afternoon with Jake and it was fantastic. Then I went to pre drink at Nigel's with his sister and Korrin. They have 3 cats and a cat clock. We sat in his room listening to 100 ways to love a cat and it was tons of fun. I almost wish we had just stayed there all night. But then Korrin and I went to lavish (on the rooftop patio!!~!~) and there, I hung out with Kristin (plus her girlfriend, and their clan?), Amber, Sky and our old friend... Vicky. I have not missed her, no sir. From there, it was a fun time... I guess. I think it was only fun because I was drunk. And then there were shenanigans that I cannot blog about. Thankfully, they didn't involve me, but I did have to babysit and watch one of my friends be really fucking stupid.

I don't think I care to go to lavish anymore... at least not to the all ages nights. Maybe I'll go when I'm actually of age, but right now, it's not so fun. I know too many people there and I feel extremely uncomfortable there now. I liked lavish when going was about having fun, dancing with my friends, listening to la roux. Merr.

I don't really care for partying at all anymore... I guess it depends on who I'm with. My birthday's coming up and I was thinking about having a decent sized party, but now I don't really want to... I don't think I really care to do anything for my birthday in general. I don't feel like celebrating. I don't think there's really much to celebrate.

I guess I'm kind of in a slump. I'm never happy when I'm by myself anymore. I can't even be by myself anymore because the second I'm alone I just get swamped with worryworryworry and can't do anything but cry about it or distract myself. I don't know what to do.