I'm realizing a lot today.
I really haven't been well lately. And when I say lately, I mean for the past few months. Not just because of the break up and all that. There's other things. I ignored them for a long time and tried to distract myself by focusing mainly on Jared and being happy with him. That became stressful, yes, but it was something I still tried to stick with. When it finally ended, it wasn't something horribly dramatic like my world came crashing down around me. It just kicked me hard when I was already down.
I used to be a very self reliant person. I think I still am on the inside, but lately it's been more difficult to pull that person back out.
I'm extremely determined to mend things. I need to pull my life together a tad more. I do like things to be a bit unorganized and jumbled, but I also need a solid base that I can branch out from. I mentioned this a few posts ago when I was thinking about meditation. I need the solid base to be myself again. I need to figure out what I really want, and continue to figure myself out through the years. I don't really care about a boy/girlfriend right now, it's definitely not something I need. If someone comes along, cool, but I'm not focused on it. I need things to be open right now. I also don't really miss Jared anymore, I've realized things about him. But this isn't about him.
I just want to continue spending time with friends and new people. I want to focus on art, try to keep up my good grades and continue to change the things I don't like in my life. I want to continue to try to change my bedroom, my appearance, etc.
I need to push a bit more negativity out of my life. I feel like it's leaving a nasty aura floating around in the air which is something I don't need.

I don't know how much else I can really say on this topic. Ideally, I'd have everything laid out nicely in time for the last month of school. I could spend my last month at STA taking in my last memories and doing my best to ensure they're positive ones. Summer will do as it pleases.

However, things don't normally go as planned. So, I'll just work at it. I'm going to take things lightly for the next while and just go with the flow of things. I'll do things differently, take some chances, do what I can to eliminate stress, blahblahblah. It's going to take a lot of time because honestly, I've done a lot of damage. But eventually, I think I'll be okay.

But what's bugging me is that I can't find the proper conclusion to this entry. It doesn't really have the vibe I wanted. I kind of just want to leave it wide open.

So the other day I went to the store and