Exhale the stress so you don't come unglued

fdsnjkfnsdnlvfd

I DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT:

-how high you got
-how much of a lesbian you are
-how much indie music you listen to
-how many of your clothes you've bought from thrift stores
-how much of a boss and or pimp you think you are
-how jacked your father is
-how many disorders you have
-how many guys love you
-how many girls love you
-how loaded your parents are
-how shitty your schoolwork is
-how much you "don't give a fuck"

Unless I ask, or there's an actually interesting and potentially intelligent story behind it, fuck off. You'll feel differently about all of this in a year anyway.

Yep, byebye bad mood. Kill yahself.

I feel good times coming on.

With exam week, and pd days and weather warming up eventually, things are gonna get good. Yeah c:

not feeling so good

When did I turn into the most hateful person... ever?

Suddenly it seems I dislike... everything. Friends, too. Even Teddy's being neglected. But on top of it all, I hate myself the most. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I feel, I hate the way I'm treated, I hate the things I say, I hate my inability to feel safe with people, and happy, and relevant.

I could crawl in a hole for the longest time ever. I can't stop thinking about harming myself, I can't stop thinking about how much I don't want any of this. Everything that pops into my mind seems like "too much to ask". I could almost wish I didn't exist. I can't even talk to anyone about this, because I know I'll just be fed the same shit "well this is all your own mental view of things, no one can change it but you" "it gets better" "stop being so inclusive" blah blah blah blah blah. Nothing helps. I want someone to help me. And I feel so fucking lonely. I think that might be one of the main problems. Being so goddamn lonely. I wish I could love everything like I used to. I wish I could make a list of friends and talk about how awesome they are and title it "my friends are a different breed" like I used to. But my friends don't even like me, I'm not stoner chique enough for them. I don't even know, there's just nothing to love anymore. Nothing to put mass amounts of effort into, because everything just crumbles crumbles crumbles and crashes down.

KJFNSDJKNFDJFNDFJGNDFGNDFKMGDFKLG CAN I PLEASE JUST FEEL BETTER. I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE FEELING BETTER. WTF.

OKAY, THANKS.

I'M GOING TO GO PAINT NOW.
FUCK EVERYTHING.
YEAH, GOOD DAY TO YOU TOO, MR BLOGGER SIR.

This too shall pass

I'm going to vomit on everything you love.

and I wish I could get away for a bit. gah.

What's up lately:

- Currently disliking most people, some friends included. I need to surround myself with better people.
- I've been painting!
- GOT A NEW BED. It's beautiful, and so comfy. I also cleaned my room a ton, and am gonna clean some more soon, and then change it up a bit. c: Seriously, my room is starting to feel like... a bedroom. Not a nest. Nests are nice, but they're also messy and too familiar. I don't like familiarity for long periods of time.
- I got my religion ISP back, written on how homophobia is wrong. Yes, this is an acceptable topic for a RELIGION isp, because the bible and the church say a billion things PRO HOMOSEXUAL. I got a 92% which is most likely the highest mark I've ever gotten in high school, except for in Music and English last year. All my other marks are in the 70s. My teacher also told me it's the best essay she's ever read on that topic. Best compliment I've heard in a while.
- I'm getting really sick of ignorant people constantly shoving athiesm down everyone's throat. I'm not even religious and it pisses me off. LIKE WHEN CATHOLICS SHOVE THEIR RELIGION DOWN YOUR THROAT, which is much less common now anyway. Half of these people, if not more, have never even tried to interpret the bible.

Lost my train of thought, byebye.

I've had such a great holiday. c:
Actually, I can't really remember which of it was holiday and which were snow days. It's been a 4 week holiday, I guess.

But anyway, yes. So great, these holidays.
I saw very nearly every single one of my friends at some point throughout those 4 weeks which is exactly what was needed.
My New Years Eve (I moved the detailed post on it elsewhere) was so incredibly fun. I spent it with two good friends a new acquaintance, and it was a bit different than how I usually spend my time with people, but I most certainly loved it. Then last night I was on the phone till almost 4, talkingtalkingtalking. I haven't done that in so long, it was wonderful. (:

Things are shaping up to be pretty odd, and I'm pretty fond of it. I like where 2011 is going, despite saying the opposite yesterday. Change is fucking awesome if you know what to do with it. c:

Though there's school tomorrow, oh well. I have an incredibly quality weekend coming up, and... I don't know, I've just got a really good feeling about it.

That said, goodnight blogger.

Also, I have 7 followers. What is this? 2 of them started following within the past 2 months. I didn't know I existed, but that's cool.