I GOT ACCEPTED. FUCK YEAH.

I have no idea how. The only experience I have is like 3 weeks of grade 9/10 art... which means all I can do is draw hands, contour and perspective. plus whatever else I do. BUT WHO CARES, CAUSE I GOT IN.

Next year my classes are:
Art, Art, Art, Art, University English, College Math, Introduction to Psychology, Sociology + Anthropology and Apparel and Textile Design.

That's right. Four art classes. Five if you count design. Then English which I love, Psychology which is also loved and easy peasy college math. It's gonna be a great year, classwise. (:

I feel so accomplished that I was accepted. I know plenty of people are, and maybe it's not a huge deal, but to me it is. Seriously, I'm coming from no experience except for the stuff I've been doing on my own. And apparently, that was enough! My great uncle used to teach Art at Beal, my mom's boyfriend and his sister both did the bealart stuff, my great uncle from BC paints murals for a living, my cousin does photography, some other relatives do art related things. It runs in the family, I guess. I'm living up to their standards. I'm going to a big family get together thingy at my mom's boyfriend's parents' house and I can talk art with them, rather than standing around awkwardly. We finally have proper common ground.

I even found out my father was a bit of an artist.

I shit bricks when my mom mentioned that. I had no idea. It's kind of sad. I can't help but think something sentimental like "well I'll make him proud, even though he can't be here to see it" or blahblahblah. My mom told me some story about when he painted his brother's present and she laughed at the memory. It made me really happy to know that my father wasn't always a big, grey looming shadow. It's so weird not knowing him. I hear so many different things that I really can't form an opinion on him. I wish I could. But oh well, nothing I can really do about it.

Gah. I still can't believe I got accepted. What's more is, I felt certain doubt coming from an individual or two. I just got this funny feeling that they didn't think I was good enough. They never said it, but the feeling lingered. Now suck it, feeling. I showed you. I got accepted. I am good enough, now don't tell me otherwise. :)

Today's been a success. Bye.

So freaking anxious about this interview. I don't even know why, it doesn't matter too much. There's plenty of other great courses I can take. It's okay to not get accepted. I could take it in grade 12 if I wanted.

EVERYTHING IS A-OKAY

sleep deprivation

I'm so tired. It's 2:41 AM and I have no intention of going to sleep, despite the fact that my insides are rotting away unhappily.

My hand is sore and paper is starting to throw me off, so I figured I'd take a blogging break. I've been doing a crapload of drawing, shading, adding colour and whatnot since about 11:30 pm. Don't tell me I'm a procrastinator, I was painting earlier on in the evening. Aykneeway, tomorrow I have an interview at the school I'm going to next year for their arts program. Hence why I'm up so late drawing; I need a portfolio and it's gotta be fucking nice. This is a bit of an issue because, clever me, I didn't take grade 9 art. So, this semester (and we're about 2-3 weeks in?) I'm taking a reachback class which crams grade 9 and 10 into one semester. This is the only real art experience I have, other than the dicking around with art that I've done on my own time. I'm not horrendous, but I'm not sure I'm impressive enough to be accepted. Everyone else who got in probably is well into their grade 10 art or they've already done it, with grade 9 shit on top. That, or they're a descendent of Picasso. This makes me want to say "fuck it, I'll take it next year". But no, I can't. I'm so determined. I want to be accepted. I want to do this. I do really enjoy art, but I can't help but think there's bigger reasons behind my determination. And as of 20 seconds ago, I've decided those reasons are not up for blogging about. So now I'll continue on with my drawing until 5:30 when I'll make myself a hearty breakfast, drown myself in coffee and prepare myself for the day. No complaints, no more breaks, no time to even think about how tired I am. Who cares that Monday night I slept for 45 minutes, Tuesday night I slept for 5. I can run off that, right? Yeah. I've got almost 3 hours left... I can maybe get 4 decent drawings out of that if I'm magical enough. And then I have 2 hours after school, as well as art class.

fnsdkjfdnkjndkgndkgjnr bye

Guh, I hate night. I can't find any reason to enjoy it anymore. I just want to wake up, drink my coffee and get on with the day.

You really need to stop putting me down. It's not helping anything.

If you keep this up you will soon find that I won't be around for it anymore.

I love how things change.
There's a few songs I used to really like but couldn't listen to for the longest time because they reminded me too much of someone.
Now, I just don't give a fuck. They remind me of someone different now.
Any former memories are wiped away just enough to allow some freedom. I can appreciate certain things again.

I just love getting over stuff. Especially when you don't even notice you've done it. When it just hits you one day "oh, hey. I don't care about that anymore. I haven't thought about it in so long. When was the day I officially got over it? I really don't know, because... well I just don't care about it enough to notice something like that."

WEW.

njkfndkjfs

Things are so good right now.
Like I said, I made three new friends this year. :) It's been really good to actually talk in class, if not a little strange when the teacher glares at me for talking too much. But hey, Idgaf. My marks are at their very best. I got my report card and it's never looked so darn good. I have a high of 88 and a low of 71. 71 being math. Times a million happy about that. :)
And then my classes are just so good. They're bringing me closer to some friends, and I haven't had to put up with anyone outrageously annoying yet. This weekend I've been so busy that I've actually had to turn down an invite in order to accomodate another. I can't even remember the last time I had to do that.
I just fucking love my friends. Things are so good with them right now, and I've really needed that. I'm happy. I don't give a fuck about some things anymore. I feel the undying urge to make the remainder of this grade, and the following summer incredible. I guess because there's a lot of potential for things to fall apart next year. I'm scared, but I guess I'll just have to shove all that away for now and make the most of things.

Gah. Now I'm getting all scared again, because it's on my mind and fdjnsdjknrdkjg

Shoving thoughts away, okay.
My weekend consists of time with Jared, and possibly his mom and her boyfriend. I figure it's about time that I should get a little less awkward around them. Blaah, I kind of feeling like blogging about things relevant to this, but even more so, I don't. So too bad.
Saturday I'm hanging out with Rachel. :') I don't think I've seen her since December, so it'll be really great seeing her again. I cherish our conversations, and she's such a lovely person to be around. Plus, if all goes well, I might have a little treat in store for her. :} She's so great! Okay
Sunday calls for hanging out with more friends, new and old. Wew, social life. Then painting. Lots and lots of painting. And art homework.

I'm really appreciating art class, by the way. It's the absolute perfect way to start my morning. I like that I don't know anyone in that class and they don't me. I feel free to express myself, judgement free. Well, of course there's judgement, but because I don't know them I care a lot less. And my teacher is fantastic.

Bye now.