I. feel. like. shit.

I feel separated and unattached from just about everything; my friends, my brother, my mom, my guitar, art, etc. Guitar class usually puts me in a good mood but it didn't today. Hanging out with friends made me happy for the time being, but now I just feel sinking.

I think, maybe, I feel really lonely. (Although I'm closer than ever with my cats lately)
I feel hopeless.

I think for a little while I was convinced that I wouldn't grow up to live alone with cats. I started to think that humans weren't meant to live life on their own, and there'd be some really spectacular people around me. Now, not so much. I'm back to thinking I'll have some cats and just be striving to keep busy and distracted, so I don't have to sit around and be aware of my hidden sadness. A life like that doesn't sound like a happy one. It just seems like... a life. A plain, simple life. Which in retrospect sucks, because I've lived through happy times before. I know what it's like to be happy, in the company of many people who care about you, and feeling loved. But in the end, it seems friendships and even relationships won't end well because I just can't carry them. I can't make people happy. Maybe for a little while, but in the end I only hurt or disappoint them.

I just feel pathetic. I'm looking forward to being back in school and hopefully a lot busier.

I'll have hour+ bus rides to school and back, homework, hopefully good classes, hopefully a social life, and hopefully a job. That'll keep me going.

In the meantime, I wait. I just don't like waiting to be happy though, I wish I could make myself happy right now.

/end rant