It seems like every little thing I do makes my mom mad at me, lately. I've lost count of how many times she's started flipping out at me over text while I'm on my way home somewhere. On top of that stressing me out, it usually occurs when I'm on an ltc bus which is a nightmare when I start having a panic attack about it. This month especially, she just snaps over every tiny little thing and will start yelling and calling me disrespectful and ungreatful. When she gets like that, I stay as calm as I can and tell her I don't understand why she's angry and she needs to give me an explanation. To which she continues to call me a brat and accuses of me being rude. How am I being rude? I hardly ever even talk when I'm at home anymore. There's literally not a single thing I've said that could be considered rude, ungreatful, difficult... anything. I hate that we're working on moving right now because I think that's only making her worse.

I hate this. The one thing I cannot stand, more than anything on the planet, is angry people. I cannot be around anger. It freaks me out and fucks with my anxiety even more and I just think it's a terrible, unneeded emotion. I literally have no idea how to deal with it. Usually I just make sure angry people stay out of my life. I don't want to be home anymore, I'm so sick of feeling like everything I do is terrible. I can't even talk to her about this because no matter what, she'll just turn it around on me somehow and if I prove my point, well now I'm just being rude and need to be grounded.

I wish I were like Korrin, with a million close friends offering their houses as an escape for whenever her mom gives her trouble. But alas, I suck and have no friends, and my mom wouldn't let me stay at someone's house for too long anyway. Wonderful. Times like this, I wish my dad were alive, if only to be another potential living place.