thoughts and things.

On Saturday I went to Toronto with my mom. I actually stayed awake for the 2 hour drive both ways so we talked about a lot of things. She mostly told me about her childhood and about the early years of my life I can't remember. We even talked about my dad a bit. I now know his previous job, his time and cause of death, how they met, and some of the terrible things he did. It was really uncomfortable hearing about him though. I guess for most of my life I wanted to remain ignorant and believe he was a good man, especially since I never got the chance to form an opinion on him myself. No one really wants to believe that half of their DNA is from someone less than kind because then the theory that "the apple never falls too far from the tree" comes into question. Particularly when it comes to family, I don't want to believe they're naturally shady people.

That said, the same thing applies to my mother's brother- the uncle I don't remember meeting. I don't want to get into too much detail about the stories my mom had about him, but basically he slowly started disowning his entire family. My mom hasn't spoken to him in 9 years. No one in my family has. From what I'm told, it sounds like he's become a hermit. During the years when he did still occasionally socialize with the family, he never spoke of his personal life and really the only details anyone knew about him was his address, phone number, and where he worked. They'd never been inside his house, never been informed of any relationships or friends he might have, or anything like that. He was getting so distant that he didn't even visit his mom when she was in the hospital. When she died, he didn't go to the visitation. He continued to get increasingly more distant, shutting out everyone and making them feel like a burden for trying to connect with him. Eventually he moved without telling anyone, much less telling them his new phone number or address.

It kind of scares me how he just fell off the map like that. I couldn't imagine going nine years without Taylor, not even knowing if he was alive. My uncle kind of reminds me of myself, the way my mom described him. I'm scared to grow up and turn out like him. I'm just so terrible at connecting with people, opening up about things and maintaining friendships. Anyway, I told my mom to try and call his work sometime soon and see if he's around. She looks at it like he didn't want them (the family) around because he didn't love them, but I tried to explain a different angle to her, as to why he became so aloof. I can understand how he might have felt, I guess.

I also feel inclined to state, I really wish I didn't form opinions on people. I hate overhearing gossip about people at school, particularly because it's usually all negative. I'm sick of having tainted views on people. In fact, this year I'd like to focus on seeing the best in people. Misanthrope is incredibly unneeded.

and, obligatory mention of changing up my blog's layout and whatnot.