Having kind of a glum week. Last week was really bad though, so this one's definitely better by comparison. I can't believe it's already Thursday... I was gonna say, I had a really good weekend. I slept over at my bffl's house for two nights and emily and other people were there as well which was so much fun. I love those two, I don't think there's anyone I'm more content with. Saturday I went shopping with my mom (my god she loves to shop). Sunday, Jake came over, then I finished my art project. It's pretty decent, not quite special though. I knew it wouldn't be, at least. My teacher seemed pleased with it and I'm glad I finished it on time. It's for my illustration class which is pretty easy and the teacher's quite nice and easy to talk to. I guess I like that class, though the work isn't particularly thrilling. Hopefully we'll do some collage.
Photography class has got me down all week. One of my rolls of film didn't develop very well which makes printing the pictures difficult. I've only managed to print 4 so far. Two of them are pretty crappy, one decent photo has disappeared, and I have another good one which I only just developed today... hmph. Printing photos after school today did put me in a better mood though. I really hope the other one turns up. I've also been crappy with figure drawing this week. I drew a male for the first time on Monday night which was pretty difficult. My figure drawing class today was equally meh cause I wasn't feeling well. This is such a boring post, nobody cares about how much I suck at art.
On the brightside, today was a really good challenge and change class! We had to do group work and discuss an article about the effects of technology on teenagers and multitasking and more stuff like that. There were two people in my group who did most of the talking and I genuinely enjoyed listening to their thoughts. They seem like decent people, which is exciting, because decent people are hard to come by. I even managed to utter a few sentences here and there. Not sure I really got my thoughts out properly, but at least they won't think I'm mute.
On the topic of group work... we started some on Monday in English and it was horrible. Monday had been off to a really good start, then she sprung that on us and it scared me too much. It was just terrible, she said we could get into our own groups and then specifically said if someone's sitting alone you should invite them into your group because there's nothing worse than the teacher having to bring them into your group... Except then everyone got into their groups and I just kind of froze up and kept sitting alone. All I could think about was how horrible I felt and how much I suck. My hands got shakey and my voice could hardly work when my teacher tried to talk to me and then I started crying. How lame is that? 4th graders cry when they get picked last in gym class. 12th graders should not cry when they don't get picked at all in english class.
Anyway, I don't think it was too obvious. I fought it back as much as possible and eventually my teacher did that terribly awkward thing where she asked two random people if I could join their group and obviously they said yes (when I'm sure they were thinking no). I sat with them and tried to keep my head down so they wouldn't notice I was crying. I'm sure that just made me look even more awkward and antisocial than ever and just ugh whenever I think about that class I can't help but completely loathe myself. I think it's a big enough accomplishment that I didn't just leave the room. In the end, my mom later wrote me a note explaining that I'm a stupid retard who can't function in simple situations and I've been working in the library by myself every day since, which is how I prefer it. By myself. Alone, alone, alone.
I feel like everything that's been making me happy lately is far too temporary. I want to find long term happiness. Alas, I'm almost certain I would need an entirely different mind for that.
On another note, I'm really relating to Holden Caulfield as I've been re-reading the Catcher in the Rye. I think I'm going to write some Holden inspired posts at some point, comparable to my "Jeremiah story" I wrote in grade 10. Writing that felt awesome... helpful, even. I hope I can feel that way again this time.
No comments:
Post a Comment