"I don't know"

Umm, life lately. I don't know. The project I blogged about in the post before this one actually turned out okayish. I'm not crazy proud of it or anything, but I got it done and it's at least satisfactory. I'm moving onto the next stage of said project soon and I think it might turn out kinda neat. We'll see. Yesterday I took some nice photos for my photography class... I ventured to an abandoned copp's buildall building yesterday, smashed a window, lugged a desk around and found a sad looking tv all by it's lonesome. If it weren't so damn heavy and inconvenient to take home on a bus, I would've considered using it for a future sculpture project. Oh well. But yeah, hopefully that little adventure will make for some pretty decent photos... I've been taking a life drawing class Monday nights downtown. It's 3 hours and the level of focus and dedication I feel to drawing in that time period is really something. I've been drawing a lot more than usual lately. I've been going to harris park after school some days. I spend it sitting on a really comfortable tree where most people don't notice me and I either read or draw for 3-5 hours. I just realized I already blogged about this tree, but whatever. It's a nice place to embrace solitude, which seems to be about the only thing I'm used to anymore.

I've been really lonely and I'm stupid so I don't start conversations with people which might, y'know, help... I also feel like I'm drifting from Korrin a lot. At school I hang out with Michelle all day and if I ever see Korrin it's in our 4th period class, which she skips more often than she realizes. I feel like her boyfriend hates me or something. I feel uncomfortable with the two of them. Not even cause they're coupley, because they've actually eased up on that a lot. But when I see them at lunch sometimes it seems like Korrin's always in a bad mood and Justin's always just not talking... maybe I'm imagining it, they're not always like that. But yeah, I feel out of place if I sit with the two of them at lunch when they're inside, and I've pretty much completely stopped going to the store because I've been a good little sober kitty this year (woo awesome, good for mandy). I think Korrin's bitchiness is starting to get to me. I don't want to go into a big rant about her, because I still consider her a friend and she's not all bad and I'm trying not to speak terribly about people so often.

A nice thing is, whenever Korrin's not in class, Kristyn sits in her seat beside me and we usually talk a bit. She's amusing and surprisingly not too difficult to talk to. It's nice talking to someone kinda new for once. I hope we keep talking. English still sucks, but I haven't had any homework in it this week which is awesome... although we've spent the past 3 classes watching a movie and I've only been awake for the past half hour of it... oops. I'm just gonna stick it out with English... it's the last time I'll have to take it and then life will be peachy. Not actually, but... I don't know.

I've just been really sad lately. Today it got a bit out of hand. I'm hoping this is just one of my "sad" months. Which means next month will be a "happy" month. I'm not even sure if my life follows that formula anymore... maybe not. I guess I'm feeling really hopeless... I don't really want to put into words the gravity of this because then I'll just feel more pathetic. I guess we'll see what happens. I'm gonna go find my cats now.