feeling a zillion times better today.

My exams are donediddlydone, I got everything done that needed to be done, I worked for the first time in almost 2 weeks and I don't have school again until Monday. I get to see the psychiatrist in two weeks, which is frickin far, but at least I have an appointment. Yesterday I kind of just broke down crying at Jake's. I cried like a baby for an hour straight, in my most vulnerable state ever, and he just held me and listened and reassured and did everything a boyfriend should do. I've been omitting some things from him lately, and I finally got it all out in the open and he has a pretty decent understanding of all the crap that's been going on in my mind lately. It's made us closer than ever, and while obviously I'm not completely dependant on him, I feel a bit better knowing he's really here for me. I'm so glad things are finally back to normal with us.

Uuuh, what else has happened. On Friday I hung out with a friend and tried salvia. It was horrible and fascinating at the same time. I felt like I was trapped in a bubble, trapped in time, trapped in something. I can't explain what. I swore I could see inside my mind and watched bits of my brain performing their tasks and deciding things like what I would say next. I thought I was communicating in some weird telepathic way with my friend who was also on salvia. It was fucking weird. I also freaked out a bit, got really anxious and was counting the seconds until I would feel normal again, terrified it would never happen. I couldn't quite separate my thoughts from my words and apparently ended up spewing word vomit about one of my greatest anxieties. I even worried said friend with how anxious and worked up I was getting. He was cool about it all though, and has since proven to be a very caring and helpful fella. It was an interesting experience and I'm glad it happened, but I reeaally don't think I'll ever try it again.

Today I got to hang out with bffl and Emily which was lovelylovelylovely. I love them and how comfortable I feel hanging out with them. They're also fucking hilarious and make me happy and less worried about everything all the time. 

Now I've kind of just got the rest of the week to do whatever I please. No homework, no certain plans, no responsibilities other than working again this sunday... I can relax. I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts. Oh, another thing, I tried spray painting with my friend the other day. Fun stuff. I think tomorrow I'll play around with that, and maybe work on a drawing. Life is nice sometimes.