it's raining at 4am.

I drank an energy drink at 11 to work on my sculpture a lot. Well, I worked on it as much as I could... now my body craves sleep and my mind is off the walls. Ooops. It's been a weird week. I got grounded again, only for a week though. Bigger oops. It wasn't a huge deal though, I just home a bit late and yeah jknfekjr. I've been productive though (some of the time?) this week. And other days I just haven't been myself. I think some days I struggle to recognize myself. I've been trying to avoid that realization a lot lately. I've always felt so weird and secluded, and I guess some days you can really use that; results may vary. I've been doing a lot of art and haven't written a single word for english all week. I printed my litho stone and an etching, started a new etching, finished a candleholder, worked on a new sculpture... Monday will be productive as hell, because somehow I'm going to glaze the candleholder, make more litho prints, prepare my copper plate etching, and finish a plexiglass etching? I guess that's pretty do-able. I guess I should do more english.

I visited my great uncle today. He taught in the art program many years ago and even taught my current sculpture teacher when he was in bealart.Today he is 93 and incredibly frail. He showed me a ton of art he's collected throughout his life, as well as his own portfolio. It was fairly impressive. He seems so sad and alone though. He lives in a quaint, very old fashioned looking house filled with one of a kind things and covered in wallpaper from the 50s. Everything is tidy beyond belief, as if things were measured out precisely to find their perfect location. It was beautiful, but haunting. He's the only person who lives there now, floating around with his memories. The tidyness makes it look like no one even lives there, in a way. He reminisced frequently about his late wife and all the people he's no longer in touch with. He never specifically said anything about being lonely, but it's painfully obvious. I feel so sorry for him. I'd visit him monthly if I could, but he's so frail that he moves slowly, can't stand up straight and is out of breath just speaking. It's incredibly difficult to converse with him sometimes, plus he really doesn't know me that well. I'm so sad my mom didn't have us spend more time with our family members. I come from a family of artists and wouldn't even know it. I think when I get some time, I'll try to make an art piece for my great uncle and visit him again once it's ready. It probably won't be for months, but that's better than a decade or whatever.

It's so difficult to think straight lately. I suppose this is when I turn to this sad little blog the most.