SO, I've had a couple of days away from London, and means of communicating with London people. It's been really good! I thought about a lot of things, and it kind of hit me how much I've changed.

It seems in the past few months I've gotten into escapism. Particularly with alcohol and kissing people, which of course branched to weed and cigarettes.

It worked for a little while. It really did. I was happy to be in different shoes, not having to think about the past, living in the moment, etc. Unfortunately, it didn't last. I think over the past week up until Canada Day I was dependent on getting drunk once every week or two at the bare minimum. It was like if I just had one great night, I could relive it for a week or so, and that would get me by. Then after Canada Day, I just felt awful all week. I really do mean awful. I hadn't thought of such horrible things since grade 8. Alcohol and shit kind of stopped doing it for me. You can only hide from things for so long. But while I was away, I remembered that I still have plenty of good, clean fun. I thought back to a time during march break. It was a few days before poopface dumped me, but I was bummed about a lot of stuff anyway. However, instead of planning to get drunk (though that was partially there) I thought of trying meditation or yoga or something. I put myself in a new mindset. I actually talked to a friend about what was bugging me, and then I reminded myself of all the things I love doing- art, guitar, video games, going for walks, drinking tea, etc. It was awesome, and I was feeling pretty good again, up until poopface did break up with me. Hence everything in the past few months.

I know drinking once a week really isn't bad, especially for a teenager. But come on, it'd only be a matter of time until it turned into every other night. Let's not forget how against it I used to be.

I'm gonna bring back back more of the old Mandy. From now on, alcohol and whatnot won't be something I rely on to get by and be happy. It'll just be something that happens every now and then, that I do enjoy. But, y'know, I don't need it. I definitely do not need it. I love a good party, but I love plenty of other things even more.

I'll admit I'm a bit anxious about Warped Tour tomorrow, because running into Jared always makes me feel sick to my stomach. I'm not going to think about that though. I'm gonna focus on seeing some of my favourite bands with two of my favourite people and we're going to have a blast. So, yeah. :)

Also summary of my trip to michigan: MANY laughs with my mom, bought a motherfucking Zelda wallet and belt buckle, bought short shorts and almost died with anxiety from doing so, went swimming, got a slight tan (my legs won't blind people now) and bought a ridiculous amount of clothes. It was a crapload of fun and my mom is forever the coolest. The end.