Silently working on math by myself was probably the best part of it, honestly. We're doing probability right now which is so easy I can get 4 pages of it done in class, even on days like today, where I haven't slept in two days. The first all nighter was due to a painting assignment, but last night my body and brain just literally said "fuck you, you're not sleeping". I didn't even fall asleep in my classes either. Too strange.
After math was english. I had a quiz which I probably just barely passed. I got the previous one back and got a 60% which is really shitty for my standards. I found out my ISP is due in two weeks and I'm not even halfway through the book yet. So, that's shitty, but still doable. I've been a bit better at staying awake, at least.
During today's class I was thinking about how sad it really is. I've never spoken to anyone in that class, nor been spoken to. My teachers only just recently learned my name because they found out I'm a ~speshul needz~ anxious loser. I just miss grade 10 english. I had Mat in that class, plus a few acquaintances. Even in grade 9 english I had acquaintances. This year I literally don't have a single person, which is not only lonely, but also difficult to keep on top of all the work and due dates and shit.
Lunch is just an issue now. Korrin and Justin always go to the store and get high at lunch now, which was fine at first, but I've been smoking weed every day for the past two weeks... It's time to cut back. I don't want to go to the store otherwise because it's a shitty atmosphere unless you're taking tokes. That, and I'm starting to feel like a 3rd wheel.
On the days when I couldn't find Korrin at lunch or wanted to be alone, I always sat in this one semi-open area and read. I don't want to do that anymore because my "friend" always hangs around there and if he sees me, he'll sit with me. I don't know if I'm just extra sensitive lately, but when I'm with him at school he's a whole new level of douchebag that I can't even tolerate. That's saying something because generally I love mean people. I don't want to straight up tell him to fuck off though, because he's pretty cool outside of school. Or used to be. I don't even know. Plus some of his friends are annoying as fuck, so I just need to avoid that area.
This means, I have no fucking clue what to do anymore. The library is uncomfortable, Michelle hangs out with people I don't want to be around and I don't have any other friends... I guess on nice days I'll just go wander around downtown alone for the duration...
I have new art classes now, too. Today was drawing and it was really shitty. My teacher likes to pile on the work without much direction and the current assignment is crappy. To make matters worse, Michelle went home half way through, which meant more foreveraloneness in the afternoon.
IN CONCLUSION, no sleep for 2 days + not talking to anyone = very sad Mandy.
I know I need to make friends but I literally just cannot. No one approaches me and I can't approach anyone so, I just suck. Being alone all the time sucks. I guess it's preparation for ~the real world~ though, because I know it's only going to get worse.
On the bright side, I applied at a few places today and got interviewed. I was told I'd be getting a call sometime this week or next about a second interview, but that's not the first time I've been told that... so, not getting my hopes up.
I repel humans. That's it, that's all there is to it. This is my life.
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