It's been an interesting weekend. On Friday I slept in and spent the afternoon downtown with Jake. He took me to prince al's, we went to the library and heroes, walked through the park and then he went to work. After that I went into a few stores on richmond then went home, watched a movie and got a decent amount of sleep (I think?). I have now figured out almost almost all the christmas presents I'm getting for people and am going to do Christmas shopping on friday or saturday :3 I'm excited. When I went to sleep friday night I had the strangest dream.. a lot happened.
A large portion of beal went on a field trip somewhere and we didn't get back until 3am. For some reason when we got back to school, korrin was really drunk and decided to run around naked. Some girl I don't know drove me and Michelle home but she was really clueless. Michelle got out of the car after about 20 minutes and walked home. I think I caught a magical ltc bus somehow. Maybe not. I know I got to my area around 4am. I went to Shell and ran into some girls from my class. One of them was really excited to see me and we sat down and talked for a bit. It turns out she lives near me and snuck out with her bike. (I think this part of the dream is referencing how desperately I want a friend to sit and talk with for ages. I miss that, and the girl in the dream was someone I know in real life who I wish I was friends with.) I went home to find Jake and his twin brother in my basement playing xbox. They said they were sleeping over. I was tired and didn't care and went to bed. When I woke up I played sims and found that they got rid of all of my favourite sim family's furniture and the sims were just wandering around burping in each others faces (that's funny because I think it references Jake's completely outrageous burps) but when they burped it looked like they were spewing out fire. The burp fire then turned into a sculpture of the person who's face they burped in, then turned into a pile of ashes. It was frickin weird. Later, my photography class went on a field trip to the beach... what? My photography teacher said we all had to go swimming to "wash all the terrible chemicals off". That's the most bullshit reason ever, but whatever. Something really weird happened in the water that I'm not going to blog about. I kind of just want to forget about that part. Later, I had a job at angelos and metro. I worked with a bunch of awesome friends, but the job at metro was just terrible. I was a greeter in the vegetable section and never had anything to do, so I just ate all the broccoli, which was actually asparagus in disguise and made me really sad. Then a customer came up to me and said "Are you even old enough to work here? You look like you're twelve." I sassed her out for that and told her I was sixteen. Which is kind of silly, because I'm seventeen. After that, the manager made me buy all the vegetables that didn't sell. There was many more interesting parts to the dream, but I think I've talked about it enough. I love having dreams like those. I'm always aware that I'm dreaming when it's happening near the end of them, so then it kind of feels like I'm watching a movie with myself as the main character, but I'm not seeing it from my point of view.
That dream blogging was longer than I intended it to be. Oops. Saturday, I sat around with my mom for 4 hours because we were both too lazy to move after we had breakfast so we just sat there and shot the shit. My mom's awesome. Later I went to a show that her boyfriend's band was playing in. The opening band kind of sucked, but her boyfriend's band was decent. It was in a banquet hall and majority of the people were old or middle aged which was kind of unfortunate, but overall it was an alright night.
Today I worked and it was terrible. I felt really anxious and stressed the entire time, like everyone was watching everything I was doing and nothing was right... even though I was kind of doing okay. I've even gotten a bit faster... not fast enough though, apparently. My department head told me I'm slowslowslow. I think I did pretty damn well, seeing as I've only worked there 3 weeks and I hadn't worked since my extremely slow 3 hour shift on Monday. She expects me to work as quickly as everyone else there. Everyone else has worked there for at least 3 months, much longer for most people, and a lot of them are full time. It's hard to get good at something when you get little practice. I don't mind not working a lot, but I wish I had at least 3 shifts a week, 3 or 4 hours long. Because I'm too slow, the only shift I have this week is a 4 hour shift on Sunday which kind of bothers me. I can't speed up without practice. I try really hard, and am practically running everywhere when I'm working.
Needless to say, I felt discouraged and awful when I got home. The stress of work, and all the stuff I have to do in my classes, plus other stress gave me a panic attack and it was possibly the worst one yet. It was terribleterribleterrible. I'm not going to elaborate. But once I finally calmed down, I thought about what I can do to make things easier and decided I'm going to drop my period 4 challenge and change class. I can still graduate this year if I drop it, even with my spare next semester. I'm really excited about it. I've started to loathe that class. I don't like the teacher, the two people I liked the most both dropped it so I barely talk to anyone, it's a lot of work and not what I thought it'd be. I thought it'd be mostly about sociology, psychology and anthropology... and it was, at first. Then I found out two weeks ago the rest of the semester will be about global politics which doesn't interest me and I just don't need it. I don't think I even want to go into something sociology related post-secondary, anyway. That damn class is just more stress and more work that isn't doing anything but dragging me down. I'll be able to put more work into my art and english classes which are what matter most to me. Another thing is, when I was mid-panic attack, I was considering dropping the entire semester so I could just work and focus on feeling better... this far into the semester, I'd say this is a much better idea. My mom's even okay with it. So, I'm really excited about that and I hope things will start looking up because of it. I'm trying really hard to be positive here.
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