152nd post

BIG DEAL BIG DEAL BIG DEALLL

Day 8
I wish I could meet a lot of people. But...
Dear Gerard Way,
You seem like a kickass guy. I can't even begin to fathom all the shit you've been through. You're inspiring, funny, real, talented, and... just really good. I love you, thank you for being you.

Short letters rock.
So, my friends don't even care about My Chemical Romance anymore. Too br00tal, cool, or indie for that shit, I guess. Oh well.

So I had a really amazing day. I hung out with Alexander and Sam first, and I really wish I could've stayed longer. Sam and I have drifted so much, it makes me want to rip my eyeballs out. 2 and a half hours is crappy. Soo not long enough. ): ): ):
Also, Alexander would make a fabulous tranny/hxc goth.

Then I went downtown with some people and watched them get pierced. Then we navigated to a mall, then back to our homeland. Soon it was just Emily, Alia and I and I loved it. I love Alia. Her and I have so much in common, I had no idea. I think I might even be able to hang out with her alone sometime. That's what I'm trying to do; hang out with people without Emily. She's trying too. It's weird. I need improvement.

That's all I can think about anymore. Improvement. My appearance needs improvement. My personality needs improvement. My bedroom needs improvement. My everything needs improvement. There just aren't enough hours in the day! I'm losing my mind. I need to sleep for like, a week. Now I want to cry, because I'm just so exhausted. ):

Now I want to go to bed, but I can't, and I can't sleep in anyway, and I need to die and sleep and clean and cry and make friends and see other friends and my former best friend makes no effort to hang out with me and I don't even think she likes me anymore and I don't even know if I like me anymore because I don't know who I am anymore because I'm so overtired and it makes me feel bipolar and I need more life and control and I hate you so much and I'll never get over all the things you did and I need a lighter and I need to see you suffer and I need candles and I need a new bed and I need improvement and I need to be better so much better and I need to see you suffer and I need to stab you and I need to be alone and I need to see you and I need to sleep and I need to do stupid harmful things and I need to improve myself and I need to stop thinking that harming is improving and I need to see you suffer and I need sleep. Run on sentences ftw.

K, goodnight.