Day 12

Someone I hate/ has caused me a lot of pain.
Well, you know I can't hate.

Dear Anonymous Person,
You have indeed caused me a lot of pain. Being friends with you was a bit like torture. I still clearly remember when we would talk on the phone till 4 am, and I'd be in tears the entire time. I'd have to put the phone down for a good five minutes to just... cry, really really horribly cry. I don't think I ever cried as hard as I did when I was friends with you. I cried all the time; before I went to sleep, shortly after waking up, halfway through meals, at school, in friends' washrooms, in public washrooms, at the park. It was sad. You made me sad.
I didn't understand you. I still don't. You made no sense to me. I still don't know if you intended to make me feel so fucking awful all the time. You claimed you didn't. You claimed you hurt more than I did. Is that why you threw yourself harshly into the pavement? Is that why you clawed yourself apart all night? Is that why you gave up on your school work? Is that what put you in the hospital?
You're an actor. Was it all an act? I don't know why I find it so hard to trust you. I've thought about it plenty of times, if the things I did made me a selfish person. Or was it you who was selfish? You made me feel disgusted with myself. You called me beautiful, but I had never felt so ugly. You had so much trouble accepting the word 'no'. You always had to be right, didn't you? Being older made you so superior, didn't it? You're not confident, you're cocky. Truly cocky.
You said I was wonderful, but never wonderful enough, it seemed. You tried to persuade me to do things I didn't want to do. I remember one of your most commonly used reasons was "If you do this, you'll be more accepted with society." That's total bullshit. Your view on the world is truly fucked up. Also, you're horrible at making people feel better.
But I don't mean to make you sound like the bad guy. We didn't always have bad times. Only 80% of the time. But hell if I remember the other 20%. I know I hurt you, but I certainly couldn't help it. Our personalities don't mix well, okay? Stop associating with people like me. It won't work.
I've learned a lot though. I'm stronger now.
I still hurt sometimes. I might even still cry sometimes. But certainly not every day now. Not even every week. Everything that happened with us feels like a blur now. A really painful blur. Did you know that I never actually told ANYONE everything that happened with us? Never did, and I'm not sure I ever will. I'm not sure about a lot. All I know is, I never want to hurt that much ever again.
I'm strong enough to handle it, sure. It's not pleasant though. I'm glad you're gone.

I refuse to sign this letter.

The End.