I'm really tired because I couldn't fall asleep after school (what is the world coming to??) but I'm gonna try and blog about everything that's happened lately. I don't know why I always feel so obligated to blog about my life, it really makes no sense, but I'll do it anyway.

So, Friday happened. My 4th period teacher did forget that she was going to ask me if I'd done anything about my social anxiety. That kind of made me sad. Wait, no, I'm getting ahead of myself. The morning sucked. I've been very discouraged about photography class (tuesdays and fridays) lately because the previous roll of film that I put a butt ton of effort into got ruined, thanks to someone ruining the developer. So, I didn't really have any photos to print and wasn't motivated to take pictures, so I took out a camera for the weekend then walked to the park. I learned the Victoria Park is kind of a depressing place to be when you're just about the only person there and the weather sucks. It was only 10 so I decided to bus home. I ate some food, changed clothes (I felt uncomfortable in my outfit that day, whatever) then bussed back to school. I got there shortly after the start of lunch and sat with Jake and his friends for the first time in the history of ever. It was really scary because I'm not good with groups of people, but they're just a bunch of gamers who all sit in a hallway and have a similar enough sense of humour as mine for it to not suck too bad. That was a beautifully executed sentence, boy am I proud. Uhh, yeah, 4th period again. I was kind of sad my teacher never asked because I was basically sitting alone all class and she had every opportunity but I guess she didn't remember or didn't care or whatever and maybe I wanted someone to talk to about it but oh well, right? Did I mention I made a guidance appointment then cancelled it? Productivity at it's finest. English was nothing new.

I went home, had a nap, then Emily came over and I got ready to go to Kristin's friend's house. We got downtown around 8 and were pleasantly greeted by Kristin yelling out a car window "faggots, get in the car!". So we did. We drove around briefly blasting Marina and the Diamonds, Hairspray, Gangnum Style, etc. Then we got to her friend's house and it was pretty awkward at first but not bad at all. Kristin's girlfriend Sara and their friend Jared was also with us (though he left shortly after). We drank a lot and talked and I learned that Sara doesn't hate me like I thought she did and is actually a pretty fun person. Then it was around 12 and we caught a cab back to my house and I was far too drunk. We went to shell, then Emily's dad picked her up and I went home and passed out in my bathroom until my brother and mom found me. I'm really glad I was too drunk to remember this part... I guess my mom was screaming at me, my brother was really worried and I was making so little sense that they thought I was on drugs... I stumbled to my bed and woke up around 1pm, incredibly confused. I was supposed to have had lunch in Milton with my grandma and uncle and them around noon, so when the realization of what happened sunk in I started feeling really horrible. I called Emily to see if she saw my mom or anything last night (I couldn't remember anything after getting into the cab) so I could figure out how much trouble I was in. That didn't clear anything up. Then I called my mom, telling her I felt horrible and was really sorry, etc. She was really mad and told me we'd talk when she got home. Long story short, I spent the day crying and spilling my guts to her about how terrible I've felt lately and the whole guidance/4th period/english/photography/social anxiety thing. She was pretty surprised to learn how messed in the head her seemingly normal daughter was. She made a doctor's appointment for me but it's not until the 25th. She's also now constantly worried about me, and I'm super grounded. I'm not allowed to do anything other than school or work for "a long time". Although seeing Jake is "negotiable" because she knows he's straightedge and really likes him. I'm happy I can at least still see him, but it's gonna really suck not seeing other people... mainly Emily and Alexander. :c I'm sick of talking about groundings and doctors and screw ups now, so moving on.

Sunday I went to Chatham(ish) with Jake, his brother, their mom and stepdad. It was pretty awesome. Jake's mom is really awesome, and she knows about the whole "came home drunk" thing and was much more understanding of it than my mom was and we had a talk on Saturday and she was kind of helpful. Right, but yeah, so we drove there and listened to weird music and Jake's mom kept taking pictures and dancing in her seat and singing along and being hilarious and stuff, and obviously Jake and Luke (his brother) are awesome too. So that was a fun hour(ish?) drive. We took a highway surrounded by pretty fall trees with all their awesome colours and tried to convince their stepdad to let them get a cat. In Chatham(ish) at Jake's grandma's, there was their 5 cousins, 4 aunts and 3 uncles... or something like that. There was also 4 dogs, a 21 year old 3 legged cat that sat on my lap all night, and a super charming ginger cat. They're a pretty interesting family. I had met at least half of them before. It's weird being surrounded by (and welcomed into) a large tight-knit family. I haven't been surrounded by family like that since I was 8 or something, cause now my family's all tiny and bad at communicating. It was really nice though, and the area they lived in reminded me a lot of Lobo which was kind of comforting. Jake and I went for a bike ride to look at a variety store that had recently been burned down (though it looked more like it had been bombed), and then further down a big long road surrounded by fields and barns and stuff. The guys played basketball and goofed off and stuff then Jake's mom took a bunch of group photos. I'm in their family photos... how about that. After, we ate a big dinner in a small kitchen that barely fit everyone, then everyone was either cleaning up or sleeping in front of a football game. I pet the 3 legged cat for 2 hours in front of the football game, surrounded by all the sleeping people, and I thought a lot.. because I couldn't pay attention to football if my life depended on it. A bit later one of their cousins walked in with a super young kitten that she apparently found in a ditch, so then I spent majority of the night in a small bedroom with Jake, Luke, 3 of their cousins and the kitten. One of the dogs barged in and tried to eat the kitten while she was in my lap... her head went in his mouth. It was horrifying. Later, Jake and I went for a walk in the dark (no streetlights in ghettoland!) with the charming ginger cat alongside us. By then it was a bit after 11 and we went home.

Monday I went to see The Perks of Being a Wallflower with my mom. It was kind of funny how relevant parts of that movie was to my life. I was literally sitting in my seat constantly thinking "oh my god, that's my life". I hope it shed a little insight for my mom, I really hope it did.

Things are strange lately. I gave all my weed related stuff to Korrin today.. my choice. I won't be indulging on that by myself anymore. Being grounded and all, I also won't really have opportunity to partake on any other occasions. I'm okay with that. Lately all I can think about is my future. I want out of high school, possibly out of this city. I don't know if I want to stick around for a full year of art anymore... I'm not all too sure yet. I can't wait to start working though, and start saving for bigger endeavors. Being grounded means saving money more easily, woo. This has been a long post and it's really more of a summary of what's happened lately, when really, my mind has been much more chaotic and busy than my physical life. I'm tired though and I can't blog about it all. I think things are going to change a lot for me in the next while. I'm going to continue rereading the catcher in the rye now.