Wait something just hit me. I think the reason I love hanging out with Alexander and Emily so much is because I feel most at ease with them. I love Michelle, but she's so ambitious. Some days it's inspiring, but lately it's just making me feel like shit. She's good at literally everything and is going to do so many awesome things with her life and is so self motivated and strong and crap and I just can't do that. I know she doesn't judge me or look down on me for not being as motivated as she is (no one else in the world can be like that I swear) but it's just depressing sometimes. She really is a fabulous friend though, and I love her, and we have really awesome conversations sometimes and when I get inspired by her it's a fantastic feeling.

But Emily and Alexander are much more layed back. I mean, Emily does her work, has good grades, is generally doing shit but her ambitions are more average, especially compared to Michelle's. And Alexander's not so good at getting school stuff done, which is completely fine because school isn't everything nor does it prove intelligence. They make a nice balance and I feel less stressed about accomplishing a million things. I don't even know if this is saying what I want to say. Sometimes I don't want to be ambitious, I want to curl up and sleep. But then I get thinking about how much more difficult that will be when I'm older and living in the real world and it makes me more sad so goodnight for real this time.